Category: In the Zone

The Ending

My head aches, my heart hurts, there’s a pain in my center like a brutally cold frozen winter.

You’re hit or miss, up and down, am I friend or foe, will you stay or will you go.

So hard to read, so closed at times, I doubt my sanity while following blind.

Patting the puppy expect to be bitten, especially given how thinly your disdain and ridicule are hidden.

Not the country bumpkin seen at first glance, there’s a strong bullshit meter built in with a temper to match.

My wall has been hit, my line crossed, no more dances left in the game it seems I’ve lost.

Respect gone if ever there, amazing to me how cold one can be and still say they care.

It’s a two way street of give and take, now sideways made one way and totally, completely, heartbreakingly fake.

Open and honest, supportive and kind only to watch you toss it away leaving it behind.

You asked so much, giving nothing in return, leaving it all to crumble and our bridge to burn.

Patting this puppy and you got bitten, for I see it all now, your disdain and ridicule were never truly hidden.

I let you go, set you free to find, your happiness the likes I can’t provide.

I wish you well, I do you see, for even with the saddest of hearts and a sea of tears cruelty is just simply not a part of what makes me, ME………………………H

 

A canvas like no other

The sky to me is magic; pure honest magic. A place I have been painting and drawing my whole life. When things go sideways, which they often do, all I have to do is step outside and look up to find my way back to my normal. Whether staying up to the wee morning hours staring at the magical, sparkling, winking in mischief the starry night……..imageLooking for new clusters, new designs, new patterns, or finding my old tried and true ones peace is always found.

imageEnergy raw pure intense energy surges of power vibrating in the very breath around you. The storm clouds bring promise of change sometimes good sometimes bad but always change. A rebirth in a way because no matter how strong or how soft the storm might be the soft patter of drops or a gnarly rush of rain a cleansing always follows. Washing the soil, the plants, animals, structures, people, and the earth anew.

There is a calm, a peace that settles deep in one’s center at the magic show playing out in front of the eyes; all in slow motion so as not to miss a moment of the action. Each sense coming alive reaching out searching trying to touch, to take hold, flourishing at the gentle scenes rolling by. Often making the observer slow down and see truly open their eyes and really look around, possibly seeing for the first time or possibly slipping into a familiar comfortable seat from years past. image

However or whenever it happens flying free, soaring high, exploring all……always a gift to be thankful for, cherished, used, and hopefully shared. So paint away, dream on, and create as you wish……………………..H

Down and Dirty

imageWhat is it about playing in the dirt that makes everything fade away!? The smell- damp musty sweet decay of the soil takes me to a calm relaxed place; where it’s just me and nature getting down and dirty playing having a ball! Sinking my hands deep into the soil, feeling the soft lightly squishy yet silky grains slide over my hands and fingers brings me an almost sureal kind of peace. The simple yet dedicated act of placing the rocks, soil, plant, then more soil and food is a process that gives clarity without thinking.

imageTucking, patting, placing the plant all snug in it’s new home, promising to care for it with love and appreciation, I step back and see the beauty that we, the plant and I, have made. Beauty that will give me a smile each and every time I stare out and see how it’s flourishing, growing big and tall, alive and breathing just like me. Sounds lame to some I know, but the healing given as well as received is priceless to me. It is the adult version of playing in the sand box, playing in the mud, and for me making mud pies like I did when I was young. It is the act of playing that brings rewards and joy for a very long time to come. Ha play time that never ends…….. Yeah I like that because when I look out and see the progress made it makes me stand a little taller, smile a little wider, laugh a little happier. Not to mention it makes the back porch a lovely place to be! Grow be fat and healthy my new little gem 😉 you let me see the beauty in playing like a child again………H

 

 

Energy Wave, Yes Please a Double Shot! :)

Ah there it is…….the roll of the stomach, the tightening of the muscles, that queasy feeling sneaking it’s way slowly up, the shoulders tighten and rise, while a fine sheen of sweat breaks out over my body….Soon I tell myself soon they’ll call my name, and it’s go time. Boom there it is my turn up I stand quietly whispering to myself walk straight all the while mumbling please oh please let my voice be steady when I speak oh and yeah please let me sound half way intelligent too. It’s all there all this is there rumbling through my mind my body my spirit then before I know it I’m standing front and center yet as I look up making eye contact….. a switch is flipped somewhere deep somewhere hidden and a calm radiates down over me almost like a shroud of silk slithering down over my head smoothly cascading to my toes until I am surrounded inside and out with this calm, this vibe, this feeling, no this energy this crazy amazing powerful energy. From somewhere deep comes “I own this! I totally got this in the bag”. Ha! Some crazy never go there on my own-freely- only- when- stimulated- from-an outside-source ZONE kicks in. It takes over and boom that roll in stomach fades away, those muscles ease, shoulders fall relaxed and loose, queasy what queasy, dry and comfortable, and my voice well it’s as smooth as soft as silky as melted chocolate. (Yum!) I move act speak naturally easily no thoughts no worries just me- head back shoulders squared smile so big so genuine that others around me smile in response, my stride is elongated and feminine. My feet it’s crazy I walk but don’t my feet move as is gliding along floating not touching the ground no jerky step movement just a smooth flawless gate an air of tranquility flows around me I just know if I spin in a circle a breathe of fresh air will swirl outward and around me like a beautiful grown glittering with sparkling jewels. Confident and happy more importantly at peace internally at peace a mellow flow if you will. What just happened how why how again all roll around my head fighting to be heard to be answered. It was like someone flipped a switch as simple as easy as that-flipped a switch, and I wonder to myself as that cheesy happy I got the whole world in my hand smile continues it’s hold on my face…. I wonder how- how can I bottle this feeling, this vibe, this whatever it is to have it around always because it’s worth more than gold to feel like this. Then I think it’s an energy that pumps through you out and around you when you need it or tapped into it even unknowingly. ( Which is my case heehee!) A crazy powerful beautiful loving energy making you for that split second that moment in time the perfect combo of natural confidence and streamline elegance yet warm and open easily approachable……. the perfect combo to get you through whatever needs getting through right then and there. Guess if one had it all the time every time it would lose the magic maybe maybe not (though I totally volunteer to find out and test that theory ;)), regardless though the glow the after affect of brilliance that lingers after that crazy experience certainly makes for one hell of an awesome day cheesy goofy smile and all ………………….H